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Tuesday, April 18th, 2017
1:28 am
Moved to https://confusedmujina.dreamwidth.org/

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1:27 am - HAY KIDS
Did you know it's A OK to be a Homosexual?
It is a Healthy and accepted lifestyle!

Знаете ли вы, что нормально быть гомосексуалистом?
Это здоровый и принятый образ жизни!

current mood: Ready to be banned :D

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Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
2:59 am - Life Update
This is rather tl;dr and also I am crossposting this to places I've mostly abandoned.

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011
4:14 pm - RMFC, More perception, And manipulation.
Oh, hai guys ^o.o^

Wow, Livejournal huh? Mostly, I've been paying attention to Inkbunny, But I shouldn't forget EL JAY!

It's been a bit since I've had a big post, huh? Life's been doing fairly well. I've very few complaints actually, zero needs, and very few wants.

I attended RMFC. Well, As of posting this, am attending, but have nothing to do untill the next event, and I need a small bit of break before returning to chaos, Which I will. It has been some chaos, Since I and Alynna have been running the overnight Game Room. And that's quite a success! There's no secret that I am a gamer, perhaps even a gamer before being a fur. Seeing my hacked up custom build of smash bros Brawl draw so much attention was a real treat for me, board games and cards all around. Lots of joy, and no cryfaces, Big big success. Everybody has been requesting we return next year, with more staff to keep it 24/7 rather then a few hours after normal con events.

tl;dr RMFC is ten kinds of awesome.

~ ~ ~ ~

If I have been having any problems, It's with my head. My mental state. And perhaps it's because I don't have problems to distract me from introspection and my mind, But I've been more and more losing my grasp with reality. But.. This is not new news. Anyone reading my sporatic posts knows I'm less then stable in that way- I just appear stable, a task which I exceed at.

Don't... think this means I'm unhappy. (Or even suicidal- I'll never take that path O_O)
But.. It does have the side effect of makeing me seem distant, troubled, and far away. ..Which sets off the alarms and redflags of my loved ones constantly. And it makes it harder for me to wake from my dreams. No.. I'm actually fairly happy. Very happy in fact :D Absolute devotion from multiple people, All the love I could handle, no shortage of entertainment, I never hunger.. This is the best my life's ever been, and it only continues to improve and become better.

I suppose.. the point of saying this is to clear other's perception.. Mainly the ever paranoid
Whitehair, but.. some others. I've been very distant, even neglectful. But also, to help you help me. If you want to ground me back into reality, anytime I am somewhere else, weather I dream, game, or even sit staring into the many possibilities of all realities, You can ground me, By demanding me. Demand my love, Demand my attention, Demand I hold you, And I will (very likely.) You are no burden to me for doing so, all of you. If you are a burden, I will say so.

~ ~ ~ ~

Subject three.. I wanted to talk about while I have the time to... Is Manipulation. Or at the very least, communication.

I've been.. obsessed with communication for some time, But what made me think specifically about manipulation was, of all things, a recent "hero" in fiction, Albus Dumbledoor.

Being Manipulative is generally regarded as a bad thing to do, But no character in that entire series, Much less in fiction that I know of, Was more manipulative then that one, And he still gets to be called a hero, a good guy. Eather that means that character concept is actually "evil" or manipulation is not as bad as folks make it out to be. THere's more examples then that one, But it's the most forefront one.

You know what? At it's core, at it's very base... all communication is manipulation. You do not speak to anyone, without intent to influence them in some way, just a little bit.

The king of all things, The one with the most power, Is not the strongest, or even the smartest. It is the most charismatic. Communication is not as easy as grunting a few things to your fellow man.. Because the way you think a word, a tone, a gesture means, can mean something different to another person. Everyone has a different perception- Another's eyes do not see the banana the same way you do, There are as many realities as there are people to perceive it.

So, Communication becomes complex- You have to encode your intended message, through the haze of everyone's reality, to another person, And hope he will inteperate your message the way you intended it. And something as simple as a slight tone moderation or wayward glance added to words can modify them in a way you never ment.

Is it any wonder, the man who can say the word another wants to hear, who can stoke, touch and rub the hopes of dreams of his peers, Becomes the leader of his peers? Even the most stoic of workers who feel that actions are louder then words, must surely know that the right word in the right place, can destroy, remake, and modify a person as deftly as any tool or blade.

I have stepped in the path of many an angry, roaring frightful beast, And with word, gesture, and simple kindness, have quenched and calmed.

I have held many a fearful creature, scared of the world that battered them, And have lent them courage from my pool of infinite love. I have lifted from sorrow the despaired and broken hearted. And I do this all with my words, with my hands, with my love, and tempered emotions. Communication is the most powerful skill one can posses. And it is manipulation, But that makes none of it any less honest, or caring, or loving.

I am Kupok, And I am Manipulative.

You know.. A lot of folks.. think that I carry the burden of everyone's fear and failure with me when I help them. I don't. Helping others is not taking thair problems for them. Helping others is to give them the strength to solve thair issues. And for that, I take no burden.

A lot of folks think that being lashed out at, or standing in the path of rage damages me. They are right, But I do not take permanent damage. I know many who do- And for me, that is a difficult concept to wrap myself around. I heal. I renew and repair. Because I Love.

...I might be rambling by now.. But I do like feedback. Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts :3

I love you all.

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Tuesday, March 8th, 2011
3:16 pm - I'm starting to write again.
Here is a warm up.

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Monday, January 3rd, 2011
11:20 pm
I do not understand why Regret is common among my peers.

Regret cannot solve current problems.

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Thursday, December 30th, 2010
8:24 am - 2011: Time for Tanuki's Annual Zodiac
I bet more then one of you is glad the Metal Tiger is dying. As predicted, Those of you bold enough to force fate into your hands very likely had changes happen that were difficult, but in the end favorable.

Of course.. Most of you, And most in my household, had changes swallow us up without our consent. Johnny-Dog is an exception- He changed jobs to a more favorable one, though it made our final months a little difficult.

But enough about last year. This year gives birth to an odd little critter. I say odd, Because she is at odds with herself.

2011 is the year of the Metal Moon Bunny. Yin Hare, Whatever. She has no problem being a moon bunny, That's actually rather natural. But she prefers to be a flexible, shapeable, survivable Wood, rather then a bold, absolute and shatterable Metal.

But hay, If your Pisces, This year should feel somewhat familiar, perhaps even comforting to you.

This is all great, But what's it mean to you?
Expect Social Discomforts. Social circles should feel more awkward over the course of the Metal Yin Hare. More mistakes will be made, more miscommunication, more Faux Paus. Take care to be clear in your communication, leave subtle hints at the door. Subtle hints will be missed very often, or even worse, Compleately misinterpereted.

On the other hand, If you're bold in your communication, You may find folks more receptive. Don't "hint" that you find someone attractive, You go right up to them and tell them you think thair hot. Don't beat around the bush about sexuality eather- Weather you're shooting someone down, or trying to get them laying down. Give people firm NO answers if you're not into it.

This year will be a great time for introverted healers, You'll have an abundance of energy from within yourself to draw from, and you'll find it easier to ground when you're alone. You'll even find it easier to manipulate and conduct your healing energies on others. The only real downside to this is more people will be attracted to your healing nature and wanna suck you dry. Be firm about needing your "Me" time.

And now my favorite subject, Luck.
Luck will still favor the bold over the passive, but Luck will be over all better then it was last year. Sexuality especially should be supercharged, so don't be afraid of bold and blunt proposals. The worst that will happen is a bold and blunt no, Which might be refreshing from the normal wishy-washy passive sort of nos you might have been getting before.

Beware of spending imaginary money. Universal advice that can be always applied, I know, But this is especially important this year. Luck will favor lenders and creditors in money matters. On the other hand, you may find folks indebted to you actually making an effort to pay it.

Major themes this year: Inner Healing, And SEX. Not just because of the hare thing, Hare isn't necessarily a sex thing. It's the metal part. a BOLD hare, is a HARD hare, and under the moon's light, steel will clash.

I am holding on my hard drive all of FurAffinitie's private notes from certain admins since 1740 days ago, as well as certain others. It's very likely TL;DR and boring, so I'm not likely to read them, but the fact that I, a normal (relatively) uneducated non-hacker type user has them that's the point.


current mood: "Bold"

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Friday, December 10th, 2010
1:21 am - Minecraft Server up!
Alright, Now that Multiplayer can handle the concept of Hit Points, I have opened up a Minecraft Server!

It is intended as a light RP server, but is likely to be emptyish in the beginning.
Monsters spawn at night
Animals roam
For now PvP is off, but may go on later.

The server is at

If you haven't heard of minecraft, you can learn a little more about it here. http://www.minecraft.net/

It is a lightweight building-ish game, quite aimed at folks with Autism or OCD. :x

...Man, I haven't used this in a LONG while! O_O

current mood: ...?

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Sunday, July 4th, 2010
4:47 pm - Frisky Fur Outing @ Rocky Mountain Furcon
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

current mood: thirsty

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Monday, June 14th, 2010
12:25 pm - Plagerized Entery
A slight point to the people that have annointed themselves the protectors of the perversion known as furrydom: How come Frank Gembeck, despite apparently never drawing cub porn in his life (though he obviously had a love for the barely legal twink bodytype, which is typical of the California bay area type of faggotry),
downloaded a bunch of SM pedo stuff and liked kids, yet the people that like "yiffy cub art" in the circles I run with absolutely thoroughly despise human kids with a passion? You'd think with all of the sturm and drang that "cub art" being so freely available in the fandom and supposedly attracting all of the "pedo types" you'd think that the "pedo cub art peddlers and lookers" would start flat out openly going after RL pre-pubescent who happened to be attending Further Confusion, or walking through the hotel and not even part of the con.

Frank Gembeck downloaded illegal S&M kiddy porn (which supports child trafficking and imprisonment). He's in prison. Alan "Panda Bear" Berlin, he allegedly solicited sex with a 15 year old, which is not pedophilia by clinical definition, his case is still pending.

Woo, TWO cases. Oh, and some dog fucking cases (that's a huge buggaboo in of itself). That means there's this HUGE problem with unlawful sexual perversion in furrydom, IT MUST BE CLEANSED!!@#$%@#^!@$@#$

This my friends is what I call "not directing your fire in a proper fashion", and pushing this moral panic bullshit to the point where a few of these so called " self annointed protectors of furrydom" are supposedly actively working with some of the 535 sociopaths in Congress to try to "close the furry loophole" in both the obscenity and drawn CP laws, which if anyone knows how Congress actually works, would be absolutely mortified. When I asked one of these "self annointed protectors" if he realized that Congress will likely fuck it up to the point where all yiffy furry art would be banned, his response: "Well, furries deserve it for giving a home to these pedos, but I believe I can get them to exempt true adult art by my own persuasiveness, and if I don't SCOTUS will overturn it".

Yeah, this is the same SCOTUS that in an almost permanently made corporations people in the Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission. Made up of, to paraphrase Larry Flynt, "Seven Assholes and Two Token Cunts!".....What a swell plan!!! Sign me up!!!!

Forgive me, but being an AB/DL furry/babyfur makes me slightly sensitive to this issue, something about prosecutors not seeing adult furries with padding on as adults, but children instead, because of made up and arbitrary determinations that are done by prosecutors (who are in it to win it), judges (who can't afford to turn lose a "pedo" regardless of what the truth of the matter is) and juries (who are as a general rule made up of a stupidest motherfuckers known to existence because they weren't able to get OUT of jury duty), and since most furries are dirt fucking poor, public defenders who are underfunded and their entire job is about getting the defendant to plea bargain down to avoid decades in prison, with the scarlet letter of sex offender for the rest of their lives.

Mark my words: If the above does happen, it will be a furry working the halls of Congress remotely, who give a whisper in the ear to their own congresspuke and then loses control of the situation, and then say "furries deserve it" when they fuck up. I can't imagine that the suicide rate would stay level if Congress entirely wigs out and bans ALL furry porn.

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Monday, June 7th, 2010
11:59 pm
How many days have you spent depressed because you had to stop dreaming?

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Saturday, June 5th, 2010
6:04 am - A new bus at my AAAIIIRRRport.
That is to say Anubis, Ol Heart-weighing gatekeeper to the underworld turned furry fetish subject is now at the Denver International Airport, some 5 blocks from my house.

Added to the big badassed blue horse and all the weird paintings, Conspiracy theorists are abuzz with activity about DIA. The Internets call it everything from a secret underground new-world order military base to a reptilian Yuan-Ti type layer.

I put this here because I've been asked on more then one occasion about any weird activity happening there by semi-crazy folks >.>

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Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
11:49 am - Vacation`
I'm at the airport waiting to go home. I still have a small ways to go of course, and the remaining airports will be pay-per-webs so this is a good time to sum up my feelings.

I finished another semester of collage, but only barely. Well, I take that back, the semester itself went very very well, My best grades that came out of an educational institution that wasn't specifically dumbed down, But it was just enough to make up for my poor first performance, And pushing myself took far far greater effort then I would have spent simply enduring a thankless task in the tech industry in the first place. JD fears I might not return to collage, And I've given him a knee-jerk reaction of saying "NO, I WILL CONTINUE" But really, I need to remember I was doing collage for myself in the first place, Not to impress anyone. Call me a lazy American if you will, but I am seriously suffering effort shock, And I need to (And have) considered weather I can handle the load that collage gives me or simply return to the technology I am so familiar with. It's a lower stress load, and it may be thankless, but it gives moneys. And I want candy money again without worrying about weather it will strain some other poor sap's finances or not.

Holy fuck that was a huge paragraph.
TL;DR for above: Goddamn collage is hard D:

TO think of the things above, I needed to get away from certain energies. I love Johnny Dog with absolutely all my heart. But I look up to him so so much. He's an awesome guy, and he drives me to become a better person. I mean, He doesn't push me to do it.. I just want to.

And it's because of that dynamic that I don't think I would have been able to make a serious decision about my future in his presence. There's something else Johnny's given me too: Value of my own happiness. The Bestia-Nox has helped me realize that it is not selfish to put my own personal happiness first- In fact, That is very very vital, even to a person who wants to make everyone else happy.

You know I didn't even realize that I needed this vacation for the things above, or that I needed it in general. Kutan (MooglyGuy to some) is the one who popped up and offered to kidnap me for a bit with no provocation. I'm gunna spend a little time talking about him now.

Since I was in the fandom, for nearly as long as I can remember, there was Kutan. He's always been this vague entity floating out in cyberspace, A friend and a pal, But I've known him longer then.. well anyone. That includes childhood friends like Mikey, Theodous and foxpaws who are featured in my very first livejournal entry, and even Kit. He's matured a lot since I've known him, but then again, I too have matured a lot since he's known me.

I don't think I'd ever have called us close, Despite knowing one another that long, But I do realize we have one more then one occasion, kept one another sane. I've seen his entry into the Games Industry, an industry I can only /dream/ of cracking. (From what I have seen, Johnny-Dog could easily jump into it head first though)

Touching his energy for the first time was pretty neat for me. It was... Calming. I mean, I know he has a lot of chaos and panic in him, But our energy resonated in a way that just said "Hay.. Everything's just gunna be chill, duuuude." He has very good gameing taste, And introduced me to several games that I overlooked. Other then touring his work campus more then once, Not many /events/ occurred, And I think that's a good thing. We just chilled and talked. (And cocked. There was dickings of course.)

In short, the vacation was very very awesome. In the future, I will invite him to me.
And I think... I will do it with my own cash.

I'm coming home though. I miss home. I terrably miss Johnny-Dog. I miss Kit a lot, more then I thought I would, And I miss Alynna too. I miss Frynge.. You know what, I miss Colorado. Colorado is an awesome awesome state. I'm NOT going to miss the drivers in Albany NY. The people out here drive like they escaped from Tranquil Hill's retirement home.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I love you :)

current mood: Rebuild 100% Complete.

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Thursday, May 20th, 2010
4:35 pm
Playing Red Dead Redemption. Nothing brings a tear to my eye quite like reuniting a horse to her lover :x

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Tuesday, May 18th, 2010
1:01 pm - Still repairing
Repairs are 62% complete.

This is indeed a good vacation, Even if I miss Johnny Dog. Foxie and SQRL too, yes. But here is relaxing.

current mood: partitioning

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Friday, May 14th, 2010
5:13 pm
> Self Repair process 11.1% finished

;I love you, Johnny-Dog, Alynna, Frynge, Malxe

current mood: Recompileing

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Monday, May 10th, 2010
8:55 am - Writer's Block: Old enough!?!
What do you think the lower age limit should be for LiveJournal and other social networks, and why?
Everybody matures differently. So there is no hardline, number based solution.

The true solution, Is any "underager" needs to be associated with a Parent's account. Because the parent NEEDS to be involved. The parent SHOULD know the kid's maturity level and ability to handle "The Internet."

Should. I know Parental Responsibility is a RADICAL CONCEPT to most modern parents these days >:O

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Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
8:58 am - Writer's Block: Pet central
Some animal rights activists are fighting to replace the term 'owner' with 'guardian' to convey a more balanced relationship between a person and her or his pet. Do you agree or disagree with the importance of this mission?
Some animal rights activists also FIRE BOMB RESEARCH LABS, so you know, I'm not big on Some Animal Rights Activists. Language is a good front to help thought control.

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Thursday, April 29th, 2010
1:07 am - Sixty years ago today
In a time where girls were being called witches for having a funny birthmark in Europe, When Catholics and different branches of Christianity were warring with one another, Europe was in chaos, a "bad place to live" with goths and vandals looting and pillageing and whatnot, The height of the Dark Ages in Europe.

There was one place intelligent folk and traders could count on to go to for safety, logic, piece of mind, and open discussions of philosophy without fear of pissing off some secret deity's police force. A place where advanced mathematics and algebra was seeing a resurgence, and technology was at an all time high.

Then one guy had to go and fuck things up. D:

and to think, the same thing is happening RIGHT HERE in America. Most folks think Pat Robenson and Glenn Beck are fuckwits, as people did think of Sayyid in his day, But all these people have a following that will only grow.

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Tuesday, April 27th, 2010
3:19 pm - BET "culture"
Not mine, But worth repeating for sure.

Students Open Letter To BET: Why Do You Hate Us?

Open Letter

From Anissa Rochester

Dear Debra Lee,

I’m Janita Patrick, a 15-year-old African-American female from Cincinnati. Recently, I watched the 2009 BET Awards and felt the strongest urge to reach out to the program. My family is of the typical middle-class variety; both parents and four brothers. See, I’m a junior in high school (got skipped), so naturally EVERYBODY in my age group watches BET. I’m used to seeing the sagging pants, tattoos, lack of emphasis on reading and respecting women that makes up your videos. People in my class live this out everyday, while teachers tell us that we’re acting just like the people in your shows.

In your shows. That struck me as odd, because I would think that with your show being the primary outlet for black entertainers and musicians, and considering the context of blacks in this country, there’s a social responsibility factor to consider. I would never blame BET alone for the way a great deal of my classmates act and talk and dress. Everybody makes their own choices. However, if anybody is aware the power of television on impressionable minds, it’s the people running the television operations. If you are not aware, then perhaps you shouldn’t be running the operations.

Guess who watches your network the most? Not those who are intelligent enough to discern foolishness from substance, but those who are barely teenagers, impressionable and believing. It’s awfully cruel to plant seeds of ignorance in fertile minds. You know it’s really bad when the co-founder of BET, Sheila Johnson, said that she “really doesn’t watch it” anymore.

I am constantly fighting against the images and messages put forth on your program. What made you think that it’s okay to bring my classmates on stage to dance behind Lil Wayne and Drake to a song talking about boffing “every girl in the world”? Why does reality train wrecks have to thrown in our faces? Are you aware of the achievement gap going in inner-city African-American communities? A report from America’s Promise Alliance, a non-profit group started by Colin Powell, recently stated that 47 percent of high school students in the nation’s top 50 cities don’t graduate. (Fifty-four percent of males of color in Ingham County graduated from high school, compared to 74 percent of white males). This isn’t because of BET per se, but I don’t see any episodes on your show doing anything to counteract this disturbing trend. In fact, your show is a part of this cycle of media depicting us at our worst.

My older brother told me something about profit being the number one goal for every business. I’m not sure I understand what that means, but I do know that your shows have to be entertaining enough to generate viewers, which is how you make your money. But surely our culture is rich enough to entertain without anything extra to “boost” ratings; why the over-the-top foolery? I listen to classmates talk about Baldwin Hills like it’s the Manhattan Project. It doesn’t take much effort to produce a throng of degenerative reality shows, nor does it take much to eliminate socially conscious shows off the air. MTV isn’t much better, but since when does two wrongs ever make a right? It’s one thing for white television shows to depict us in a particular way, but for black television shows to do it is baffling.

Why do you hate us?

All of the values that my parents seek to instill in me and my brothers seems to be contradicted by a more powerful force from the media, and your show is at the forefront. Your network is the only network that features rap videos and shows exclusively to children of my color. I know that you have no control over the music that the artists put out, but you do have influence as to how you air these videos. I’m sure if a stand was taken to use the talent in your organization to actually crank out thought-provoking entertaining shows and videos, then artists will follow suit. Being that they need you as much as you need them.

There was one awkward segment in the BET Awards when Jamie Foxx singled out three black doctors-turned-authors, but the introduction was so powerless that many of the viewers had no idea who they were. Had they been introduced as Sampson Davis, Rameck Hunt and George Jenkins, three brothers who overcame major obstacles to become a success without the use of lyrics that berate women, the sell of substance that destroy communities or through raps about loose gunplay, then maybe my classmates would have come to school talking about more than Beyonce, T-Pain’s BIG ASS CHAIN and Soulja Boy Tell Em’s hopping out the bed.

But they weren’t introduced like that. It seemed like a throwaway obligatory tribute to appease some irritated fans. It missed the mark. Big time. Ask Michelle Obama if she watches BET or encourages Sasha and Malia to do so. Ask President Obama. It’s a reason he is the leader of the free world, and it isn’t because of Buffoonery Exists Today.

You’d be surprised how smart young black children can be with the absence of Blacks Embarrassing Themselves. If your goal is to deter engaged, forward-thinking articulate black minds, then consider your goal fulfilled. It’s hard-pressed to think that your shows are working to promote cultural betterment. However, it’s quite easy to conclude that the destruction of black children through the glorification of immoral behavior and rushed production is by design. Poison is being swallowed by every viewer who adores your network, and the worse thing is, these viewers – my classmates – are not even aware what they’re swallowing.

There is nothing edifying for black women on your show. I don’t judge people who do throng to your programs though; I mean, if a jet crashes in right in front of me, I’ll watch it too. That’s why I don’t flip by your channel…I don’t even want to be sucked in.

I have aspirations of acquiring a law degree and possibly entering the public sphere, so I can counteract conditions in my community perpetuated by the images on your channel. So I should thank you, because in a weird sense, your shoddy programming is the wind behind my back. And it is my hope that I can accomplish my dreams despite BET’s pictorial messages, because Lord knows it won’t be because of them.

Janita Patrick

current mood: blah

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